(no subject)
Aug. 22nd, 2011 02:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
celestialsoul[Filter: Private]
I ... probably shouldn't have gone. It was ...
Ah. It was frightfully uncomfortable and awkward, and ... and, I ... I ...
... I ... can't stop thinking about what he said, when we fought.
At first, I was just ... so angry that he throw something like that in my face. I've struggled with my and Jace's relationship. I ... I used to hate myself for it. I'd do everything to ... to be sure that he understood I didn't want to ... ah, to ... be with him in ... in that way, not until marriage, but ... he'd never listen, and I'd feel so awful and wrong and dirty. It wasn't easy, it was awful, and I had to ... had to eventually come to realize ...
Realize that I loved him, completely, and nothing that was so ... pure and good and real could possibly be ...
... ah.
Wrong.
And so ...
So perhaps he was right. And perhaps ... perhaps I should understand him better than anyone else does, instead of ...
...
[Filter: Lauren]
Oh, that was ... very quick thinking today, Lauren. When Tabea asked that question, I thought I ... well, my mind just went blank. She had a point -- why wasn't I actually doing the usual training measures ...? And I just ... I didn't know how to answer, and I don't know enough about Korin to say, but if I'm a Taerin cousin, then surely ...
Ah, but you thought much more quickly than I did. I ... thank you. For a moment, I thought I was going to ruin everything ...
[there is a pause]
Er, but ... I ...
I don't really ... know what we're going to do, now.
I ... probably shouldn't have gone. It was ...
Ah. It was frightfully uncomfortable and awkward, and ... and, I ... I ...
... I ... can't stop thinking about what he said, when we fought.
At first, I was just ... so angry that he throw something like that in my face. I've struggled with my and Jace's relationship. I ... I used to hate myself for it. I'd do everything to ... to be sure that he understood I didn't want to ... ah, to ... be with him in ... in that way, not until marriage, but ... he'd never listen, and I'd feel so awful and wrong and dirty. It wasn't easy, it was awful, and I had to ... had to eventually come to realize ...
Realize that I loved him, completely, and nothing that was so ... pure and good and real could possibly be ...
... ah.
Wrong.
And so ...
So perhaps he was right. And perhaps ... perhaps I should understand him better than anyone else does, instead of ...
...
[Filter: Lauren]
Oh, that was ... very quick thinking today, Lauren. When Tabea asked that question, I thought I ... well, my mind just went blank. She had a point -- why wasn't I actually doing the usual training measures ...? And I just ... I didn't know how to answer, and I don't know enough about Korin to say, but if I'm a Taerin cousin, then surely ...
Ah, but you thought much more quickly than I did. I ... thank you. For a moment, I thought I was going to ruin everything ...
[there is a pause]
Er, but ... I ...
I don't really ... know what we're going to do, now.
